well....hhmmmm

So today I am having one of those....SERIOUSLY????....days.  It's quiet at the salon so I am catching up reading but I am in a definite funk.  It's raining and super foggy so maybe that is to blame.  Bright side it is the weekend.  I have alot of catching up to do..

for now my focus really needs to be holding myself accountable for changes I want to make.  I have done well reading my Bible regularly and getting good out of it what I need to.  I have noticed a difference in my attitude lately but I am not sure anyone else has yet.  My goal is that in a month I will be continuing to do that.  So come February 1st....we will see where I am at. :/ pray for me.  This is really important to me but it is so hard to make big changes and stick to them.  I think I will implement one change each month so I have a full month to make the new habit.  So...here goes nothing!!!

Song in my head.....girl on fire by Alicia keys

I'm back...for real this time!!

Okay!! I FINALLY got the blogger app on my phone to work!! So maybe I can be a better blogger.  It's been far too long.  So here is the last year  and 4 months in a nutshell:

1.  I graduated cosmetology school

2.  While preparing for my state boards my sister was in a terrible boating accident and literally almost died.  I took my written exam without sleep for four days.  I got my results (I passed) and cried hysterically from the lack of sleep.

3. I started working at Studio 67 and I love it.

4.  I resigned from every board of directors position from both youth sports organizations I was on

5.  I have substantially reduced the amount on drama, chaos and crazy in my life.

6.  I have gained a lot of weight in the last 6 months

7.  I still suffer from small bouts of depression from my Grams death.

8.  I still listen to music for everything and it has helped me through alot.

9.  My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has been in years.

10.  I have started going back to church with my husband and I have been happier.  So I have started reading my Bible.  I am currently reading the book of John.

I am restarting my blog so I have an outlet to be myself and keep up withmy thoughts.  Now that I have it on my phone this should be easy...right......maybe??

I guess we will see....

What i am listening to now:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

When one door closes...

Well, okay, so I know I've been gone...and I know I have done that before.  I have had alot of things going on.  I blogged awhile back about feeling overwhelmed in my life.  I honestly have felt for the last year or so like I was a hamster on a wheel.  I kept turning and turning and everyone kept demanding and I just could not keep up.  This year has been absolutly crazy.  I have ran until I could run no more.  I love my life, my job, my family, my friends, and my activities.  But honestly I didn't love myself.  I have made many changes over the last 8 months and I believe for the better.  For example, in January I made a lifestyle change to work out, to eat better and get healthy. I have lost 30 pounds and I feel so much better.  I still have about 25 pounds left to go and I have gotten lazy so I am in the process of getting back involved.  It was one of many small changes that I am trying to make to love myself like I should.  I am still not quite there.

Softball season ended about a two months ago and since it did I have pretty much become a recluse.  I don't talk to anybody if I don't have to and I stay home as often as possible.  I prefer to be with just my husband and kids and to be honest I realized that  from January to June it was work, basketball and ballpark.  I saw little to none of my kids and husband unless they were with me doing my "extracurricular activities" I volunteered for or I was at work.  I realized that I was constantly taking care of everybody else and I wasn't doing a single thing for me.  Don't get me wrong, I love everything I am a part of.  The people are great and it makes me happy.  But a big part of me felt like I was abandoning my children when I should be treasuring them.  I realized it was time to change. As much as I loved everything in my life, I wasn't all that truly happy.

I decided to focus more on my husband and my kids.  They should be my first priority and from now on, I am going to try to make them more of just that.  The first thing I did was decide to do something I have always wanted to do but never had the courage or ability to do it.  I have decided to go to cosmetology school.  I decided about 4 weeks ago and I turned my application in just before the deadline.  I found out two weeks later that I got in.  It has devestated me to leave my job and my boss, but I know in the long run this will allow me to focus more on my kids and hopefully give me the ability to do more for my kids than I can now.

So, after this week, I will be unemployed for the first time ever and I have about 3 weeks with no plans.  So I am going to focus those three weeks on getting organized at home and hopefully in my life.  I plan to blog daily to hold myself accountable.  Hopefully.  My plan is to do this for myself and hopefully have it positively affect my family. Keep your fingers crossed because honestly, I have never been more scared in my life.

Then and Now.

Today's Song in My Head: "Feel This" by Bethany Joy Galeotti (I love this song right now - I actually just love her music).

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2001. I graduated high school, got engaged, found out I was pregnant with my son, and got married. It was a busy year. The best year of my life. The 2 albums that put me in my "happy place" were the Aerosmith's two disc A Little South of Sanity and the Varsity Blues soundtrack.

I loved musicals, disney, softball and cheerleading. I loved to dance and did it often. I loved four wheeler riding, roller coasters, fast cars, and staying out all night. I ate pizza and taco bell most every night for dinner. My idea of breakfast was a frozen burrito cooked in the microwave and covered with a slice of cheese. My favorite dessert was cheesecake. I hated alfredo sauce, chinese food, salad dressing, and potatos. I didn't eat beef. I was fearless, fun, and free.

My hobbys consisted of cooking and reading.

TEN YEARS LATER....

I am totally different. I still relate my life to music, but my "happy music" is different every day. I still love musicals, disney, softball and cheerleading. I love to dance, but I usually don't do it where any one can watch. I am not as good as I used to be, or at least I don't feel like I am. Those who have seen me swear I can still move, but I don't feel "sexy" doing it like I used to, so I don't. I don't eat as much junk as I used to back in the day, and my tastes have definitely changed.

Ten years ago, yogurt and granola would have made me gag. Today, I can't get enough Lemon Tree frozen yogurt with granola. I could drink alfredo sauce and I LOVE some loaded baked potatoes or loaded smashed potatoes. I am an avid couponer, a mother hen, and I prefer to be in bed by 10 on a late night. I am dull and boring, but I definitely love my life at this point. I would prefer to be at home with my family every night rather than out partying for sure.

I realized a few months ago how much I changed. I also realized how much of myself that I have lost in the last ten years. I am trying to fix that. We will see how that goes. Since I have started working on myself, I have noticed that I am truly happier. I am just me. I cut alot of the excess off and I couldn't be prouder. I don't care if I hurt anyone's feelings in the process, as long as I am me and I am happy in the end.