New Chapter

Well, so the last two weeks have been emotional, long and busy.  I was supposed to stop working a week ago.  However, the girl that replaced me asked if I would stay one more week.  I was more than happy to.  My boss's husband ended up back in the hospital and had open heart surgery.  I was glad I was there to help.  I cried on my way home from work Friday.  I absolutely love my boss and that job but I know what I am doing is for the better.

Yesterday was day number 1 as a stay at home mom for 2 weeks.  I decided that I am going to clean out and clean up my house in a major way before school starts.  It has been YEARS since I have done this.  Well, it has been so long that I am finding medicine and creams in the back of cabinets that expired in 2006, size 4t pullups for boys (my son is now 10) and clothes in a bag in my closet that I thought I had gotten rid of in sizes that I have not worn since about 2004/2005.  Yeah, its been a long time coming.  My closet is finally cleaned out, but my room is a wreck.  I am a major pack rat, but I have been working on that habit for a couple of years.  So now its just a matter of getting things into storage and getting a little neater / more organized around here.

I am getting ready for school to start.  I am nervous as all get out too.  I wake up thinking "did I really just do this?"  I know we can do it, it just requires a major life style change for us.   We have to buckle down, and be a litle more cautious about things, like stopping at sonic for a $2 drink, or just running out and getting stuff for the bedroom, like baskets or boxes or whatever.  I am the worlds worst about it.  Derek has to stop with the $10 part here and $8 part there, because those add up quick.  Now I am just trying to find Christmas stuff as cheap as possible and start getting them now.  I figure if I can spread the projcts or gifts over 5 months then it will be much easier than stressing about the money for them at one time.

Keep us in your prayers, because as confident as I am that we will be okay, deep down I am having major panic attacks at the thought that we may not be.  On paper, there shouldn't be a problem, but honestly, who actually lives life like they do written down on paper?  Nobody.

When I was younger taking risks was my thing.  I would do something and jump in whole heartedly without thinking.  Whether it was a job, or a car purchase, or a new relationship.  When I was younger, even as a kid, I could tell when I was making a decision that might change things.  SWhether I was doing something that could later be determined as a "stupid decision".  I would get a feeling in my stomach and I always had "the dream".  I was at a pond and I would not even think about it.  I would run and jump off the dock and cannon ball into the deepest part of the pond. I didn't know if there was snakes in the water, if the water was dangerous, and I didn't care.  I trusted that God was protecting me.  I remember being under the water and watching my air bubbles float to the top and I would feel myself start to try to swim to the top.  That was usually as far as I got because I would wake up.  But that was my sink or swim dream.  I always had it.  So I would laugh and when I would do something like that I would remember my dream and think "I am going to just jump in  way over my head and pray to God I come out okay".  It always seemed to work out okay.

So....as I start the new chapter of my life, I realize, I have stood on the dock and I have run and jumped.  Now I am in the water and I am praying to God that this time I don't drown.