I decided last fall I wanted a garden. Not sure why I thought it was a good idea but I am going at it full force. It's actually been so much fun. I have little spinach and lettuce and kale and green onions and broccoli popping up. I have my tomatoes and peppers and sage and rosemary down. It's been so rewarding. But. The best thing of all. The little message I got today. When I needed it the most. My carrots. They are coming up beautifully. But that is a story for another time. For now...I am going to work on a blogging schedule or something so I can keep up with it for real this time and not way for over a year!! Sheesh!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Well....wow
Seriously can't even make an excuse for how bad of a blogger I am. But that's okay I can still work on it.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Saturday night = super hit date
My super hot date for tonight?? My super cute and super sweet one year old nephew Tristan. Next to my own children, he is the most precious thing to me! Love spending time with this little guy. And of course time with CC would not be the same unless of course we watched Bambi. Little man's favorite movie at my house :) love spending time with him!
Friday, January 10, 2014
well....hhmmmm
So today I am having one of those....SERIOUSLY????....days. It's quiet at the salon so I am catching up reading but I am in a definite funk. It's raining and super foggy so maybe that is to blame. Bright side it is the weekend. I have alot of catching up to do..
for now my focus really needs to be holding myself accountable for changes I want to make. I have done well reading my Bible regularly and getting good out of it what I need to. I have noticed a difference in my attitude lately but I am not sure anyone else has yet. My goal is that in a month I will be continuing to do that. So come February 1st....we will see where I am at. :/ pray for me. This is really important to me but it is so hard to make big changes and stick to them. I think I will implement one change each month so I have a full month to make the new habit. So...here goes nothing!!!
Song in my head.....girl on fire by Alicia keys
for now my focus really needs to be holding myself accountable for changes I want to make. I have done well reading my Bible regularly and getting good out of it what I need to. I have noticed a difference in my attitude lately but I am not sure anyone else has yet. My goal is that in a month I will be continuing to do that. So come February 1st....we will see where I am at. :/ pray for me. This is really important to me but it is so hard to make big changes and stick to them. I think I will implement one change each month so I have a full month to make the new habit. So...here goes nothing!!!
Song in my head.....girl on fire by Alicia keys
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
I'm back...for real this time!!
Okay!! I FINALLY got the blogger app on my phone to work!! So maybe I can be a better blogger. It's been far too long. So here is the last year and 4 months in a nutshell:
1. I graduated cosmetology school
2. While preparing for my state boards my sister was in a terrible boating accident and literally almost died. I took my written exam without sleep for four days. I got my results (I passed) and cried hysterically from the lack of sleep.
3. I started working at Studio 67 and I love it.
4. I resigned from every board of directors position from both youth sports organizations I was on
5. I have substantially reduced the amount on drama, chaos and crazy in my life.
6. I have gained a lot of weight in the last 6 months
7. I still suffer from small bouts of depression from my Grams death.
8. I still listen to music for everything and it has helped me through alot.
9. My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has been in years.
10. I have started going back to church with my husband and I have been happier. So I have started reading my Bible. I am currently reading the book of John.
I am restarting my blog so I have an outlet to be myself and keep up withmy thoughts. Now that I have it on my phone this should be easy...right......maybe??
I guess we will see....
What i am listening to now:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4
1. I graduated cosmetology school
2. While preparing for my state boards my sister was in a terrible boating accident and literally almost died. I took my written exam without sleep for four days. I got my results (I passed) and cried hysterically from the lack of sleep.
3. I started working at Studio 67 and I love it.
4. I resigned from every board of directors position from both youth sports organizations I was on
5. I have substantially reduced the amount on drama, chaos and crazy in my life.
6. I have gained a lot of weight in the last 6 months
7. I still suffer from small bouts of depression from my Grams death.
8. I still listen to music for everything and it has helped me through alot.
9. My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has been in years.
10. I have started going back to church with my husband and I have been happier. So I have started reading my Bible. I am currently reading the book of John.
I am restarting my blog so I have an outlet to be myself and keep up withmy thoughts. Now that I have it on my phone this should be easy...right......maybe??
I guess we will see....
What i am listening to now:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Grace
September 11th. Its a day nobody in America will ever forget. Its a remembrance holiday. A day that you thank God you are here, you hug those you care about a little closer and you don't forget to say "I love you" to your spouse as they walk out the door. Its a yearly reminder that tomorrow is never guaranteed. This day became that way in 2001. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everybody does. But now, in 2012, that day has become significant for an entirely different reason.
I lost one of the most special people in my life. I lost my oldest and dearest best friend. My confidant. My go to for advice and my one true kindred spirit. I hid nothing from my Grams. I loved her dearly. She lived in California so I never saw her but I talked to her alot. Not as much lately as in the past, but she understood and when we did talk we took advantage of it.
I will never forget the phone call a few days prior to that day. My phone was acting up and I called mom to see if she had been calling me. I had just so happened to check my voice mails (which I never do) and I had two "urgent" voice mails to call her. She sounded panicked and her voice was cracking. I was cleaning up my house and when she answered, I happened to be walking into my bedroom. She said "Gerry called me" and I immediately knew. It was like the wind had been instantly sucked out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe and everything started spinning. I remember hitting the floor on my knees and shaking. I could harldy hold the phone. I knew this day was coming. I knew it would happen, she was older and she was very sick. I thought I had prepared myself. I was nowhere near ready to deal with it.
I cried hysterically all day. I was home alone and my husband was unreachable at work. I walked across the street to my best friends house and sat over there and cried. Alot. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day on the couch, curled up in my favorite blanket, bawling all day. I had sent my husband a text message so he knew when he got home. He sat on the couch with me, held me, watched tv, and let me cry. He never said a word. He didn't have to.
Grams had a massive heart attack the night before. Nobody called me Saturday night when it happened because they knew I was at a friends house watching the hogs game. Looking back, probably a really good call on their part. She went for more than 10 minutes without oxygen to her brain. She had been placed on life support and she was functioning at 5%. Mom flew out monday morning to be there with Gerry and Grams.
The next morning, I broke down in the middle of class. It was humiliating. Luckily I have some really great girls in class with me and they were amazing. They had nothing but kind words to say and it truly helped. That night mom called me. She told me the doctors said there was no hope. If she did happen to come out of the coma, she would be a vegetable. Gerry and mom made the choice to remove the life support. She let me say my goodbye to Grams over the phone. It was the hardest thing ever. I have never felt so empty and mad and upset and miserable in my life. I lost it all over again. I mean truly lost it. I felt as though my world was crashing down and the one person that I always went to when that happened was Grams.
She died the next day two minutes after they removed her life support. She had been gone since Saturday. I have been an emotional roller coaster. Derek took her picture in the living room and hid it from me immediately. I couldn't see her without becoming hysterical. I have gotten better. This week I have managed to go more than a day without crying. Today is three weeks since the heart attack. Today I put her picture back out. My heart still hurts and I truly believe that this is a loss that I will grieve forever.
No amount of time will heal the void in my heart. But it is getting easier to put my best face forward and smile on the outside. Derek has been truly amazing. I don't know that I could do this without him.
I love you Grams and I miss you so incredibly much. I am, and will forever be, your Kid.
Song in my head:
Grace by Kate Havenik
I lost one of the most special people in my life. I lost my oldest and dearest best friend. My confidant. My go to for advice and my one true kindred spirit. I hid nothing from my Grams. I loved her dearly. She lived in California so I never saw her but I talked to her alot. Not as much lately as in the past, but she understood and when we did talk we took advantage of it.
I will never forget the phone call a few days prior to that day. My phone was acting up and I called mom to see if she had been calling me. I had just so happened to check my voice mails (which I never do) and I had two "urgent" voice mails to call her. She sounded panicked and her voice was cracking. I was cleaning up my house and when she answered, I happened to be walking into my bedroom. She said "Gerry called me" and I immediately knew. It was like the wind had been instantly sucked out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe and everything started spinning. I remember hitting the floor on my knees and shaking. I could harldy hold the phone. I knew this day was coming. I knew it would happen, she was older and she was very sick. I thought I had prepared myself. I was nowhere near ready to deal with it.
I cried hysterically all day. I was home alone and my husband was unreachable at work. I walked across the street to my best friends house and sat over there and cried. Alot. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day on the couch, curled up in my favorite blanket, bawling all day. I had sent my husband a text message so he knew when he got home. He sat on the couch with me, held me, watched tv, and let me cry. He never said a word. He didn't have to.
Grams had a massive heart attack the night before. Nobody called me Saturday night when it happened because they knew I was at a friends house watching the hogs game. Looking back, probably a really good call on their part. She went for more than 10 minutes without oxygen to her brain. She had been placed on life support and she was functioning at 5%. Mom flew out monday morning to be there with Gerry and Grams.
The next morning, I broke down in the middle of class. It was humiliating. Luckily I have some really great girls in class with me and they were amazing. They had nothing but kind words to say and it truly helped. That night mom called me. She told me the doctors said there was no hope. If she did happen to come out of the coma, she would be a vegetable. Gerry and mom made the choice to remove the life support. She let me say my goodbye to Grams over the phone. It was the hardest thing ever. I have never felt so empty and mad and upset and miserable in my life. I lost it all over again. I mean truly lost it. I felt as though my world was crashing down and the one person that I always went to when that happened was Grams.
She died the next day two minutes after they removed her life support. She had been gone since Saturday. I have been an emotional roller coaster. Derek took her picture in the living room and hid it from me immediately. I couldn't see her without becoming hysterical. I have gotten better. This week I have managed to go more than a day without crying. Today is three weeks since the heart attack. Today I put her picture back out. My heart still hurts and I truly believe that this is a loss that I will grieve forever.
No amount of time will heal the void in my heart. But it is getting easier to put my best face forward and smile on the outside. Derek has been truly amazing. I don't know that I could do this without him.
I love you Grams and I miss you so incredibly much. I am, and will forever be, your Kid.
Song in my head:
Grace by Kate Havenik
Saturday, August 18, 2012
2 weeks later...
This 2 weeks has FLOWN by. I start school Monday. So normal routine can begin then. I am a mess. I feel like I am not ready for anything. I have done nothing but clean and run and I am worn out. I think the last several years are catching up to me now that I have nothing going on because I swear I have slept more in the last two weeks than I have in years! And I am sleeping different too...its crazy.
I promise to catch you up on my life later...there is alot to tell!! But, right now I am being driven to within an inch of my sanity lol. :)
I promise to catch you up on my life later...there is alot to tell!! But, right now I am being driven to within an inch of my sanity lol. :)
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
New Chapter
Well, so the last two weeks have been emotional, long and busy. I was supposed to stop working a week ago. However, the girl that replaced me asked if I would stay one more week. I was more than happy to. My boss's husband ended up back in the hospital and had open heart surgery. I was glad I was there to help. I cried on my way home from work Friday. I absolutely love my boss and that job but I know what I am doing is for the better.
Yesterday was day number 1 as a stay at home mom for 2 weeks. I decided that I am going to clean out and clean up my house in a major way before school starts. It has been YEARS since I have done this. Well, it has been so long that I am finding medicine and creams in the back of cabinets that expired in 2006, size 4t pullups for boys (my son is now 10) and clothes in a bag in my closet that I thought I had gotten rid of in sizes that I have not worn since about 2004/2005. Yeah, its been a long time coming. My closet is finally cleaned out, but my room is a wreck. I am a major pack rat, but I have been working on that habit for a couple of years. So now its just a matter of getting things into storage and getting a little neater / more organized around here.
I am getting ready for school to start. I am nervous as all get out too. I wake up thinking "did I really just do this?" I know we can do it, it just requires a major life style change for us. We have to buckle down, and be a litle more cautious about things, like stopping at sonic for a $2 drink, or just running out and getting stuff for the bedroom, like baskets or boxes or whatever. I am the worlds worst about it. Derek has to stop with the $10 part here and $8 part there, because those add up quick. Now I am just trying to find Christmas stuff as cheap as possible and start getting them now. I figure if I can spread the projcts or gifts over 5 months then it will be much easier than stressing about the money for them at one time.
Keep us in your prayers, because as confident as I am that we will be okay, deep down I am having major panic attacks at the thought that we may not be. On paper, there shouldn't be a problem, but honestly, who actually lives life like they do written down on paper? Nobody.
When I was younger taking risks was my thing. I would do something and jump in whole heartedly without thinking. Whether it was a job, or a car purchase, or a new relationship. When I was younger, even as a kid, I could tell when I was making a decision that might change things. SWhether I was doing something that could later be determined as a "stupid decision". I would get a feeling in my stomach and I always had "the dream". I was at a pond and I would not even think about it. I would run and jump off the dock and cannon ball into the deepest part of the pond. I didn't know if there was snakes in the water, if the water was dangerous, and I didn't care. I trusted that God was protecting me. I remember being under the water and watching my air bubbles float to the top and I would feel myself start to try to swim to the top. That was usually as far as I got because I would wake up. But that was my sink or swim dream. I always had it. So I would laugh and when I would do something like that I would remember my dream and think "I am going to just jump in way over my head and pray to God I come out okay". It always seemed to work out okay.
So....as I start the new chapter of my life, I realize, I have stood on the dock and I have run and jumped. Now I am in the water and I am praying to God that this time I don't drown.
Yesterday was day number 1 as a stay at home mom for 2 weeks. I decided that I am going to clean out and clean up my house in a major way before school starts. It has been YEARS since I have done this. Well, it has been so long that I am finding medicine and creams in the back of cabinets that expired in 2006, size 4t pullups for boys (my son is now 10) and clothes in a bag in my closet that I thought I had gotten rid of in sizes that I have not worn since about 2004/2005. Yeah, its been a long time coming. My closet is finally cleaned out, but my room is a wreck. I am a major pack rat, but I have been working on that habit for a couple of years. So now its just a matter of getting things into storage and getting a little neater / more organized around here.
I am getting ready for school to start. I am nervous as all get out too. I wake up thinking "did I really just do this?" I know we can do it, it just requires a major life style change for us. We have to buckle down, and be a litle more cautious about things, like stopping at sonic for a $2 drink, or just running out and getting stuff for the bedroom, like baskets or boxes or whatever. I am the worlds worst about it. Derek has to stop with the $10 part here and $8 part there, because those add up quick. Now I am just trying to find Christmas stuff as cheap as possible and start getting them now. I figure if I can spread the projcts or gifts over 5 months then it will be much easier than stressing about the money for them at one time.
Keep us in your prayers, because as confident as I am that we will be okay, deep down I am having major panic attacks at the thought that we may not be. On paper, there shouldn't be a problem, but honestly, who actually lives life like they do written down on paper? Nobody.
When I was younger taking risks was my thing. I would do something and jump in whole heartedly without thinking. Whether it was a job, or a car purchase, or a new relationship. When I was younger, even as a kid, I could tell when I was making a decision that might change things. SWhether I was doing something that could later be determined as a "stupid decision". I would get a feeling in my stomach and I always had "the dream". I was at a pond and I would not even think about it. I would run and jump off the dock and cannon ball into the deepest part of the pond. I didn't know if there was snakes in the water, if the water was dangerous, and I didn't care. I trusted that God was protecting me. I remember being under the water and watching my air bubbles float to the top and I would feel myself start to try to swim to the top. That was usually as far as I got because I would wake up. But that was my sink or swim dream. I always had it. So I would laugh and when I would do something like that I would remember my dream and think "I am going to just jump in way over my head and pray to God I come out okay". It always seemed to work out okay.
So....as I start the new chapter of my life, I realize, I have stood on the dock and I have run and jumped. Now I am in the water and I am praying to God that this time I don't drown.
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